Do you know any German jokes? Do they even exist? Well despite what many of us might think, there are quite a number of them. And in fact, some pretty funny ones.
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Funny German Jokes That’ll Crack You Up
There is a common stereotype that Germans are serious people and so do not have time for a good joke. But this cannot be further from the truth. Jokes, referred to as ‘Witz’ in German, are a staple of German conversations and culture.
German jokes derive their humor from wordplay, sentence construction, and the different pronunciations of certain words.
Below are few witty German jokes that will crack you up. Most of them require a bit of context to appreciate them enough. Translations and (or) explanations have been provided.
They will help you to better understand the jokes and even learn how to tell German jokes.
Best German Jokes
German jokes can be categorized depending on their content and whom they are addressed to. Below are a few categories with examples.
1. Bauernregeln Witze
This is a classic type of German joke. It can be translated to mean farmer’s lore joke. They were often used to make fun of farmers. Usually, they have a bit of rhyme and express certain facts.
They are sometimes disguised as wise sayings but are mostly silly and meant to ridicule people and elicit laughter.
- “Wenn der Hahn kräht auf dem Mist, dann ändert sich das Wetter, oder es bleibt wie es ist”. -If the rooster crows on a heap of dung, the weather will either change- or remain the same.
- “April und Weiberwill ändern sich schnell und viel.” – April and women’s whims change quickly and often. This is meant to make fun of a moody girl or lady.
- “Wenn noch im November steht das Korn, dann isses wohl vergesse worn” – If the corn in the farm still stands or is not harvested by November, there is something the farmer forgot to do.
- “Liegt der Bauer tot im Zimmer, lebt er nimmer” – If a farmer lies down dead in a room, he can’t live any more.
- “Trinkt der Bauer und fährt Traktor, wird er zum Gefahrenfaktor.” – If a farmer is drinking while riding his tractor, he becomes a danger factor.
- “Willst Du Dir den Tag versauen, musst Du in den Spiegel schauen.” – If you want to ruin your day, just look in the mirror.
These are German jokes that make fun of government officers (beamte) for their laziness and inefficiency. These jokes usually have some stock characters that are the butt of the jokes.
- “Drei in einem Büro und einer arbeitet? Zwei Beamte und ein Ventilator!“
Translation: Three in the office, and one working? Two state officials and a fan!
This joke makes fun of state officials who just sit in the office all day and do nothing.
- “Zwei Jungen streiten sich darüber, wessen Vater der schnellste ist. Der erste sagt: “Mein Vater ist Rennfahrer, er ist der Schnellste.” “Das ist nichts”, sagt der andere. “Mein Vater ist ein Beamter, er ist so schnell, dass er, wenn die Arbeit um 17 Uhr endet, bereits um 13 Uhr zu Hause ist.”
Translation: Two boys argue about whose father is the fastest. The first one says: “My father is a racing driver, he is the fastest.” “That’s nothing”, says the other one. “My father is a Beamter, he is so fast that when work ends at 5 pm, he’s already home at 1 pm.”
This German joke again pokes fun of state officials who always leave work early.
- Besucher: “Sie haben viele Fliegen in diesem Büro.” – Beamter: “Ja, 247.”
Translation: Visitor: “You have many flies in this office.” – Beamter: “Yes, 247.”
Here, the beamter is being made because his office is always full of flies and he is too lazy to even swat flies out of his office
These are German jokes that ridicule Manta drivers. A Manta is a German sports car whose owners are perceived as dumb or obnoxious.
- Ein Mantafahrer hat auf seinem Beifahrersitz einen Papagei sitzen und das Fenster offen. Er hält an der roten Ampel neben einem Mercedes. Der Fahrer des Mercedes kurbelt sein Fenster ebenfalls runter und fragt: “Kann der auch sprechen?” Darauf der Papagei: “Weiß ich doch nicht!”
Translation: A Manta driver had a parrot in the passenger’s seat and his window open. He idled near a Mercedes at a red light. The driver of the Mercedes lowered his window and asked, “Can it talk?” Responded the parrot: “I don’t really know!”
The implication here is that the Manta driver can’t even talk. The parrot is more alert than the driver.
- What does a Manta driver say to a tree after a crash? – “Why didn’t you get out of my way, I used the horn!”
Here the Manta driver is depicted as stupid enough to knowingly crash into a tree.
- A Manta driver at a garage: “Could you repair my horn?”
Mechanic: “Your brakes aren’t working either,”
Manta driver: “I know, that’s why I need to honk all the time”
Again this joke just shows how dumb the drivers are as he can’t even figure out what is more important.
This literally translates to anti-joke. These are funny jokes in German that make no sense or don’t have a punch line. The absence of logic or humor is what makes it funny. These German Jokes are meant to surprise or stump the listener with their stupidity.
- “Nachts ist es kälter als draußen”
At night it’s colder than outside
- “Zu Fuß ist es kürzer als über’n Berg”
Walking is faster than over the mountain
- “Zwei Männer gehen über eine Brücke. Der eine fällt ins Wasser, der andere heißt Helmut.”
Two men are walking on a bridge. One falls into the water, the other is called Helmut.
- “Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einem Storch? – Beide Beine sind gleich lang, besonders aber das linke.”
What’s the difference between a stork? – Both legs are the same length, especially the left one.
- “Zwei Männer gehen durch die Wüste. Sagt der eine: “Lass mich mal in die Mitte.”
Two men are walking through the desert. Says one: “Now let me walk in the middle.”
- “Was passiert mit einem roten Stein der ins Schwarze Meer fällt? – Er wird nass.”
What happens if you drop a red stone into the Black Sea? – It’ll get wet.
Jokes about Germans
Below are a few hilarious jokes about Germans. Some of them make reference to their character, reputation, or language.
- How many Germans are required to change a light bulb? – One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.
The reference here is made to the stereotype of Germans as serious and efficient people.
- What tea do German football players drink? A. PenalTea!
‘PenalTea’ has the word tea in it but it also refers to penalties in the game of football.
- What’s a German’s favorite number? Nein!
Nein means none in German although it sounds like the word ‘nine’ in English. So in other words, Germans don’t have a favorite number.
- A German and an American decide to build houses. They compete on who will finish first. A week later, the American announces, ‘Only 7 days, and I’m done!’ His German friend also announces excitedly, ‘Only 7 more forms to fill out and then I can get started?”
The joke alludes to the Germans love for bureaucracy hence why the German is still filling forms for approval of the construction.
- Hans saying his prayers: God bless mom, and God bless dad, and please make Hamburg the capital of Germany.
Hans’ Father: Why do you want Hamburg to be the capital of Germany?
Hans: Because that’s what I wrote in my geography test
This one is self-explanatory.
Jokes about Germany
Here are a few funny jokes about Germany.
- After Germany was beaten 6 – 0 by Spain at the world cup, Germans knew they had hit a new Löw.
Low is the name of their longest-serving coach of the German football team. So this joke is a wordplay on his name and it also shows the magnitude of the loss.
- Have you heard about the new electric car from Germany? It’s called a Voltswagon
The wordplay here involves the German automaker Volkswagen and the word ‘volt’ which symbolizes electric power.
- In Germany, is it okay to say 21:00, or nein?
The time indicated is nine PM while the word ‘nein’ sounds similar. ‘Nein’ also means ‘no’ in Germany so the speaker could be playing with the two in this German joke.
- I’m not a big fan of the tea in Germany. Over there it’s “Der Tee”
The words ‘Der Tee’ could be misconstrued to mean dirty.
- How do you know if a product is made in Germany? If it has the Guten Tag
There is wordplay on the word ‘tag’. ‘Guten tag’ is the German way of saying good morning and the word ‘tag’ means something different in English.
- Why is it that Germany has the lowest rate of Covid-19 infection in the world? They wash their Hans regularly.
Hans is the name of a baby boy in Germany. The pronunciation is also similar to the words ‘hands’
- Which snake are you most likely to see in Germany? The Vindscreen Viper!
In Germany, the letter ‘w’ is pronounced as ‘v’.
There are German puns too just in any other language. Puns are called ‘Wortspiele’ in German which loosely translates to “Wordplay”.
- “Wenn es heute Häute regnet, wird Leder billig.”
Translation: If it rains skins, leather becomes cheap.
This pun plays on the similar pronunciation of the words heute which means “today” and Häute which means skin. It may be misunderstood to mean “When it rains today,”
- “Warum sind Seeräuber so schlecht in Mathe? Weil sie Pi raten.“
Translation: Why were the pirates so bad at math? Because they guess pi.
The wordplay is on the use of the words Seeräuber, and piraten both of which refer to pirates. The word raten may also mean to ‘guess’ which now brings in wordplay.
- “Treffen sich zwei Jäger. Beide tot.”
Translation: Two hunters meet. Both dead.
The word Treffen can either mean “to meet” or “to hit,” which explains the ending.
- “Wie nennt man eine Gruppe von Wolfen? Wolfgang “
Translation: What do you call a group of wolves? Wolfgang.
This one is a bit obvious. The name Wolfgang is a combination of the words ‘wolf’ and ‘gang’ to mean a gang of wolves. It is also a common given name in Germany
- “Arme haben Beine. Beine haben keine Arme; arme Beine!”
Translation: Arms have legs. Legs have no arms; poor legs!
This is a nonsensical pun that focuses on the same pronunciation of the words die Arme and. Arme. Arme means “arms” but it also means “poor” or “pitiful.”
See Related: Best German Christmas Markets to Visit
German Jokes in English
- “Hello Bastien, did you enjoy your vacation?”
“No, I didn’t. I was given room number 100 at my hotel. Then 1 fell off the sign on the door!”
In Germany, public restrooms are labeled ‘00’. In light of this, it shows that Bastien was assigned a restroom during his vacation.
- What do hand grenades and women have in common? When you pull the ring off, your house goes away.
This is a little divorce humor that pokes fun at what happens during divorces in Germany. In most cases, it is the woman who gets the matrimonial home.
- A group of athletes meets at the Olympic village. One of them says to a German athlete” Are you a pole-vaulter?” The other says “No, I’m German and stop calling me Walter!”
The wordplay is in the world Pole – to mean someone from Poland and Germans pronounce ‘W’ as ‘V’ hence why the German thought he was being called Walter
- A teenage boy called Hans had never spoken a single word since birth. One time, his mom served him some soup. “The soup is cold,” he said.
The mother was shocked to hear him speak, “Son, You’ve never said a thing since I gave birth to you. Today is the first time I hear a word from you. Why?”
Hans replied, “Because, until today, there was nothing to complain about.”
This is a joke that ridicules the culture of complaining in Germany.
- A German is on holiday in the US, and starts working out shirtless at a beach. An American woman walks by, looks at his muscular but very hairy chest, and says “Ugh, gross.”
With a big smile, the German man says, “Danke”
The wordplay is on the meaning of the word gross. In English it means disgusting but in German, it means big or large. So the German thought the American woman was complimenting his big chest which wasn’t the case.
- A German walks into a bar in London.
German: “Two Martinis, bitte.”
German: “Nein, I said TWO!”
The wordplay on the word dry. The English pronunciation of dry sounds like ‘three’ in Germany. So the German thought the English barman meant three.